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Excellent summary of evolution
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Submitted By doctorofscience on 09/04/01
FreeHovind, doctorofscience, General 
This Discussion originally posted in the "FreeHovind" Group

I recently came across an excellent radio program that summarizes the origin of the universe, life, and everything else in just a few minutes (from noted scientists Phil Austin, Peter Bergman, David Ossman, and Philip Proctor). The webpage containing the transcript appears to be offline, but luckily I saved a copy earlier - I've pasted it below.
 
This is what "evolutionists" actually believe, contrary to the absurdist descriptions of evolution that creationists repeat constantly.
 
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We know for certain, for instance, for some reason for some time in the beginning there were hot lumps. Cold and lonely, they whirled noiselessly through the black holes of space. These insignificant lumps came together to form the first union: our Sun, the heating system. And about this glowing gasbag rotated the Earth.

We were covered with a molten scum of rock, bobbing on the surface like rats. Later, when there was less heat, these giant rock groups settled down among the land masses. During this extinct time, our earth was like a steam room - and no one, not even man, could get in. However, the oceans and the sewers were simmering with a rich protein stew and the mountains moved in to surround and protect them. They didn't know then that living, as we know it, was already taken over.

Animals without backbones hid from each other, or fell down. Clambasaurs and oysterettes appeared as appetizers - then came the sponges, which sucked up about 10 percent of all life. Hundreds of years later, in the late Devouring Period, the fish became obnoxious. Trailerbites, Chickerbites, and Mosqwitoes collided aimlessly in the dense gas. Finally, tiny edible plants sprang up in rows - giving birth to generations of insecticides and other small, dying creatures.

Millions of months passed and, 28 days later, the moon appeared. This small change was reflected best, perhaps, in the sand dollar, which shrank to almost nothing in the bottom of the pool. Where even dumb amphibians like catfish laid their eggs in the boiling waters, only to be gobbled up every 3 minutes by the giant sea orphans (which scared everybody).

And so, in fear and hot water, man is born:

"I am La Brea man, I am first man - wife and I live in pits. I discover pain and boredom and how to use hands in self-defense."

"I am his son, I am called Plow Man - I was the first to dig the earth and make the rivers run backwards. There was no stopping me."

"I am his many cousins - I chip the stone. I smelt the rock. I lay the asphalt. Together, we made enough noise to keep the wolves awake."

"I am his godson, Civilized Man. I harnessed the secret of the calendar and the power of the wig to build the pyramids."

"I am his mentor, Hypocricies. I put him through school, where he learned to stand up for a principle and sit down on his own stool."

"I am his father, Caesarian. I sent him away from home for something to live on and paid him to fight over it."

So now, everywhere he went, man dropped a great load of knowledge - forming a rich compost where slumbered the modifying spark of humanity.
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P.S.
Happy April 1st!

>> Reply
Array Re: Excellent summary of evolution
2009/04/01 - 21:27 GMT
(In Reply to Item)
i better show this to my english teacher. i could spend hours picking this apart. how interesting.
that has to w8 tho.
i have a biology exam in 18 hours. LEARNING TIME!.
 
>> Reply
Array Re: Excellent summary of evolution
Depending on how old your teacher is, he/she may recognize it. It's from an absurdist radio play from the 70s called "I Think We're All Bozos on This Bus" by a comedy troupe named the Firesign Theatre.
>> Reply
Array Re: Excellent summary of evolution
2009/04/03 - 5:08 GMT << In Reply to

I think I saw this summary of evolution on the sci-fi channel. Sounds like it anyway.
>> Reply
Array Re: Excellent summary of evolution
Maybe Kent Hovind saw it too - that would explain a few things.
>> Reply
Array Re: Excellent summary of evolution
2009/04/04 - 5:15 GMT << In Reply to

I'm just saying; You say Bible believers believe in fair tales but this summary sounds like a science fiction comic book. Archealologists and historians have a hard time understanding what really happened hundreds or a few thousand years ago, and this summary claims that they know what happened 4 to 20 billion years ago when there's no knowledge of anything historically past 6,000 years ago.
>> Reply
Array Re: Excellent summary of evolution
ehm bigdog....
you do understand that htis is NOT an actual summery of evolution.
its was a part of a sci fi radio play. and that posting this under the title "summery of evolution" was....well....
LOOK AT THE POST DATE.
>> Reply
Array Re: Excellent summary of evolution
...did you actually *read* the post before jumping to a conlusion about it?
 
I'll give you a few hints: look at the date posted. Or the words "Happy April 1st" at the end. Or the words "absurdist radio play" and "by a comedy troupe named the Firesign Theatre."
 
Or if that's still too subtle for you, let me spell it out:
 

IT WAS AN APRIL FOOL'S JOKE.

 
I was afraid that it was a bit too obvious, but I guess I shouldn't have worried.
>> Reply
Array Re: Excellent summary of evolution
2009/04/06 - 0:09 GMT << In Reply to

My bad. But it did kind of sound like an evolutionist's explanation of what really happened. I've seen it in text books.
>> Reply
Array Re: Excellent summary of evolution
If you ever find a text book that mentions the "Clambasaur," I'd love to see it.
>> Reply
Array Re: Excellent summary of evolution
2009/04/06 - 2:10 GMT << In Reply to

Well it sounded like the evolution explanations that I've read from text-books.
>> Reply
Array Re: Excellent summary of evolution
2009/04/06 - 2:11 GMT << In Reply to
Well it sounded like the evolutionary explanations that I've read.
>> Reply
Array Re: Excellent summary of evolution
2009/04/06 - 7:08 GMT << In Reply to

Well it sounded like the theories I've read for evolution.
>> Reply
Array Re: Excellent summary of evolution
interestign bigdog.
from
 
"My bad. But it did kind of sound like an evolutionist's explanation of what really happened. I've seen it in text books."
 
to
 
"Well it sounded like the evolution explanations that I've read from text-books."
 
to
 
"Well it sounded like the evolutionary explanations that I've read."
 
 and finally
 
"Well it sounded like the theories I've read for evolution."
 
now is it just me or did you purposely downtune your arguements so that you seem more honest. because every remark further takes you away from more official sources, from textbooks, to any text and finally to entire theory about concerning evolution that you read somewhere.
 
now that means you actually allowed us to give the less exposing statement "you probably read that on some creationist website, because that isn't what evolution is, or how its represented in the scientific community"
 
instead of saying " that was acreationist textbook you read. did you ever read a NON creationist textbook?" to your first 2 replies.
>> Reply
Array Re: Excellent summary of evolution
2012/03/01 - 23:48 GMT
(In Reply to Item)
And to think, all I had to do was put the balls on the other side!
>> Reply
Array Re: Excellent summary of evolution
And to think, all I had to do was put the balls on the other side!
 
And so, with the invention of the motor-operated pushover, man and science gave birth to life here today in the future!


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